Not-so-FAQ's.

Sorry for the lengthy intermission. I've been doing those things that I do when I'm not doing this, if I may drop a sentence of Dogberryan facility. I'll try to post more frequently.

Since it has come to my attention that a few people are actually going to read of my little adventures in indentured servitude, I've decided to compile an FAQ list, which will doubtless elucidate the countless uncertainties regarding this blog. And away we go:

1) Q: Isn't it a bit presumptuous to write an FAQ list for a blog with three posts and seventeen total comments?

A: Ah, I see you've stumbled afoul of the Prime Directive of the Gas Guy, listed helpfully at the right: don't take any of this too seriously. I cannot emphasize this point enough, lest I be compelled to repeat it like what they used to call a broken record, back when anyone knew what that meant.

2) Q: Are you going to blog about anything else, or just your crappy job?

A: At present, just the crappy job, but thanks for the interest in things that are of no concern to you. A bit nosy, are we? I don't recall asking anyone's age or bra size at their blogs, now.

3) Q: Are all of your customers degenerate alky losers?

A: No. Some are degenerate smack-addicted losers. Seriously, though, many if not most of my patrons are normal and decent people, but writing about normal and decent people holds no appeal for me and little for any reader. The crackhead stories are a lot more fun. Go to Church if you're looking to be uplifted; it's not happening here.

4) Q: If you hate your customers so much, then why don't you just get a different job?

A: Actually, I really enjoy hating my customers; it is, for me a duty lodged midway betwixt necessary expression of personal charism and annointed mission. I'm the Gas Guy. It's who I am and what I do.

5) Q: Is the stuff you talk about real, or are you making any of this up?

A: Real as the street, baby. There is, as it was in the beginning and shall be ever after, world without end Amen, an invitation to stand in with me on a shift if anyone thinks I'm exaggerating.

6) Q: So, are you, like, available?

A: Why yes, as a matter of fact I am, provided that you're gorgeous, smart and personable, and generous of spirit, much like me. Think Angelina Jolie without being clinically insane. Hey, just because I work at a gas station doesn't mean I come cheap.

7) Q: Are you this much of a pompous jerk in real life?

A: Refer, please, to #2. But generally, yes. This blog is an extension of my real life, and not a departure from it. I sometimes say mean things so that other people who are thinking them don't have to. I provide the essential societal service (oddly alliterative, I am today) of allowing others to speak vicariously through my prickdom. I am what I am, and that's all that I am, as I think the sage and learned philosopher Popeye, paraphrasing Yaweh, once said. Man, I've gotta go rent that movie again. It's probably the only Robin Williams part where I didn't want to shoot him.

8) Q: Why is your profile so darned mysterious?

A: Because I'm secretly a female octagenarian writing from a Florida retirement community. Because I don't think I can handle the fame and riches this blog will bring me. Because that's just the way of all things...the way of the Force. You should really stop asking dumb questions now.

9) Q: How long are you going to painfully prolong this post now that you've clearly run out of ideas?

A: At least to ten questions. I think that's underwritten into the fundamental rules of FAQ lists for insurance purposes. Who ever heard of nine FAQ's? What, are they the Muses? The Jackson family? A baseball team (at least in the National league, where they don't play by girly softball rules)?

10) Q: So are we done now?

A: Mercifully, we are.